So…long time no blog.
Yes indeed, it has been quite some time. Interesting how I went from frequent blogger to lazy sod. Such is life…I haven’t had much to blog about, not really anyway. But now I do, kinda. It’s 2am, I’m bored and there’s something bugging me so I might as well write about it. Nothing better to do…
I love that More thing. 
Only just discovered it (I’d been trying to use the Excerpt thing but only just checked the FAQ doodad to discover More!). Amazing how one little thing like that can make things seem more fun…yeah.
Anyway, onto what I was talking about…whatever that was…oh yeah, the thing that’s been bugging me. I’m not entirely sure what it is to be honest. I’ve been feeling odd as of late, very anxious and relatively jumpy. It could be the cold weather; extreme temperatures have strange effects on me. If it’s summer and it reaches boiling temperatures, I either get hyperactive or I become rather tired (I fell asleep on a park bench once, I think it was some 2 hours before I woke up again), but I haven’t experienced this as a side effect of lack of heat.
The last time I suffered from the symptoms (anxiety, sweating, apprehension, inability to sleep) was during my depression. Now obviously I live with it, for one cannot rid of depression like a common virus. It’s part of your mind, forever imprinted upon the core of your memory. So, that said, I’m used to the occasional low, or even high, but this is odd. Now I know I make the link between these issues and the depression but I honestly can’t say for sure if perhaps I’m somehow slipping back. It’s possible, but not definite. And frankly I hope not because I’m tired of crying out for help. They often say that standing up and asking for help when you need it is the strong thing to do but, does nobody else who does so constantly, get sick and tired of it? Anyway, that’s my main fear. Not the relapse, but the help. Ironic in some ways I guess.
The thing that’s bugging me is that I have no clue as to what has triggered this. It’s slowly been getting worse over the past month or so, and in the beginning I never thought much of it, but now it’s worrying me. I hate not know what’s wrong with me. I have a thing about knowing everything; surprises are something I detest. But I’m aware that I can’t control my life from every aspect, and sometimes you just have to deal with whatever is thrown at you, but I can’t help trying to at least figure it out.
Is it possible I’m simply reaching a new low that I haven’t felt before and I’m worrying over nothing, or is there something more too it? I doubt anyone else has the answer to it but I figured I’d throw it out there, see if anyone had any suggestions to point me in the right direction.
It’s simply not knowing that’s driving me mad. I’ve heard about that thing where people can get depressed during winter due to lack of light…I wonder if maybe it’s just that. I’ll have to look into it.
In other news: the goldfish died. Well, I say died, Wolf ate it. I’m starting to wonder if his father was perhaps a cat in disguise…
Poor Jay.
Blog more. :yes:
Comment by Tachyon — January 10, 2006 @ 4:28 am
I’ll try. I think Merc’s laziness has been passed onto me…he’s been doing lots of support lately and I’ve been slacking around…hmm. Is laziness contagious? Maybe that’s what it is!
Merc gave me nasty stuff!
Comment by Jay — January 10, 2006 @ 4:35 am
Yay, nice to hear from you again, Jay ^_^
Hope you’ll feel more like a happy Jay soon
Comment by Stefan — January 10, 2006 @ 4:51 am
:huggle:
Its good that you can talk about your depression, many can’t. Don’t be afraid of asking for help, it gets annoying I know but your loved ones would prefer you to ask than for you to suffer, I’ve waffled enought now…
Blog lots more so I can Stalk at 5am when I can’t sleep
Comment by Kez — January 10, 2006 @ 4:52 am
Oh!
And a happy New Year ^_^
Comment by Stefan — January 10, 2006 @ 4:52 am
I get like this a lot, sad to say.
Could it possibly be not something that’s happening in your life which is causing you to feel so low, but something lacking? Maybe it’s not communicating enough with your friends or relatives, or not enjoying some simple pleasure which you’ve forgotten about. Who knows?
Feel better soon Jay beb.
Comment by Zach — January 10, 2006 @ 4:57 am
Jah, it’s good to see you blog something, I haven’t heard from you in a while and we wubs you and miss you! If you ever want to talk about stuffs, I’m always floating around ^_^
Comment by Lothy — January 10, 2006 @ 5:03 am
Jay! ^_^
Funny, I - for some reason - came here the other day and wondered if you’d bother post again, nice to see you have
Comment by Matthew — January 10, 2006 @ 4:53 pm
Jay. Good and Bad. Good to see you blogging again. Sad to see you are unhappy. I personally get sick a lot during winter. When I was sick a lot I felt detached from the the world. Since I was isolated to my bed for a few days. I wonder if you are feeling detached or isolated from the outside world? I do think winter’s are blah time. The only good thing about it for me is everything is dead so no sneezing for me. But being stuck in a house because of the cold or snow causes cabin fever as well. Perhaps you have a touch of that? Whatever it is, let’s hope you feel better soon.
Comment by Stephen — January 13, 2006 @ 4:22 pm
I agree, it’s nice to hear from you. ^_^
Sad to hear about all this bad stuff though. I hope it goes away.
A mate of mine went into depression and I helped her get help, and I was someone she could talk to. If you need a chat, please feel free to send me a PM/eMail.
-Jappyx
Comment by Jappyx — February 18, 2006 @ 7:01 am
I come here just yesterday before you posted this, cool to see you blogging again.
I hope you feel better soon, I sometimes feel sad for no reason, but usually thinking about things I like etc make me feel better.
Cya around. -rJay
Comment by rJay — February 18, 2006 @ 8:21 am
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