Jay Hudson - Nuisance Extraordinaire!

I’m trying out some new themes so bear with me. I’m also trying to find out if I can change the banner to something more custom. Mmm no more default!

*claps hands* Oh happy days…

Um yeah, don’t worry, I’m not going to annoy you all by singing. Although…

Heh, yeah, anyhoo. I’m officially back now. In fact, I’m just up. Lazy kitteh. It’s been an interesting week, I do feel much better now after that time away, it’s good to get away from the same old same old. Obviously, my problems aren’t totally solved, I didn’t expect a miracle and it will take time and hard work but I’m on the right path I feel. I feel much happier, I feel refreshed and I’m not as angry now (though I think the SVs will help sort that out. ). But I’ve also learned that that anger is natural, it’s been built up inside of me and perhaps letting it out isn’t such a bad thing since I have a good control on it, well for the most part. And I’ve also realised that yeah, my anger towards idiot members on IF isn’t really as bad as I thought. Idiots piss me off in real life so why wouldn’t they on the net? I think I just blew it out of proportion because I felt everyone was turned against me and that I was pretty much nothing more than a strict dictator. Some might feel that way (probably the ones I’ve suspended ) but who cares? I enjoy doing it (shock horror, it’s true! ) and I’m not perfect myself so I can’t expect to be surrounded by intelligent, mature people 24/7. That’s not reality.

And for all the muppets there are, there are plenty of good, decent people that make it worthwhile. I’d mention names but the staff list + the number of people that spring to mind is long but I’m sure you all know who you are. I’ve taken a different look towards life and IF, I’m need to concentrate on the good things from now on. Sure, life’s a bitch and then you die, but until then I just need to take it as it is, the good with the bad, and see to it that I make myself happy because I guess only we can truly make ourselves happy.

Mmm, so yeah, I’d just like to thank everyone for their support, in particular the following tiddlypeeps.
PhranK - Good words of wisdom you gave me in the other blog, I’ve taken it on board and I think it helped me to learn that I need to take the good things from the bad and learn from life.

Stephen - Thanks for supporting me, you’ve been a big help throughout my time on IF and I’m very much indebted to you. You’ve always shown belief in me and that’s something I needed in order to believe in myself. Thank you.

Looners - Thank you for also supporting me, you thought I should take time off and you were right, it’s done me good. I think a happier Jay may be a more productive Jay. And thank you for also looking after my baby (Graphics Request), I’ve been dropping in as an00nim00se (as some may have seen) and it’s good to see everything’s in order, in fact I’d say there’s probably less idiocy now. Everyone seems to be obiding by the rules. Wewt!

Zach - You’ve probably had the brunt of most of my ramblings and rants on AIM so thanks for listening. I trusted my secret with you because I knew you’d keep it but also you have this natural aura (sp?) for making me feel comfortable. You’re a good man and a good friend. May you live long, be prosperous and eat much cake and pie.

But of course a big thank you to everyone who supported me this week, it’s touching to know that I’m not the big bad wolf and each and everyone of you has helped in your own special way. Don’t feel that you’re not special because I didn’t mention your name, I have notice a lot of support from a lot of people so it’s a bit difficult to mention everyone but hey, love ya’ll.

Don’t worry, I promise I won’t turn into Oprah Winfrey. I don’t have the boobs for it. It’s been a fun but helpful week, it was good to see my old mates. Most haven’t changed. Well, Mike has, he’s even more gorgeous. But I managed to keep my hands off of him. I’ve got a way to go but I’ll get there, one day at a time. I’m not sure right now if I’ll be off for any longer in the future but if my presence ever waivers you know why. I’m still here though and it’s back to moderating. Teh kitteh is back.

Well, as I suggested in the previous blog, I’m taking some time off. Not just from IF but in general. I’m leaving for the week (till Friday) to visit some old buddies of mine.

Should be fun and it will be peaceful so I can meditate. For want of a better emote.

I won’t bother with big goodbyes or anything, just a little seyonara for now. It’s only a week but who knows what will happen. I might be off longer if things don’t go as planned (and they never do for me). We’ll see.

Let’s hope the update on Friday will be the beginning of a new Jay. Although, the whip stays.

Mmm, so anyway, I’ll have access to the net and probably check my e-mails for a few minutes each day just in case and there’s a small chane of me coming to IF just for a chin wag, but short of that you won’t hear from me. PMs will be ignored unless they’re from wubbly peeps and aren’t IF related but if anyone wants to drop a random e-mail feel free. I’m sure you all know it by now and those who don’t cna use my IF e-mail.

Well, as of 1pm tomorrow, tara luvs.

I haven’t blogged in a few days but then I haven’t had a great deal to blog about. But jah, I was intrigued to right a proper blog in this topic to continue my post: http://support.invisionfree.com/index.php?showtopic=149765&view=findpost&p=3374832

Meh gives me something to do. For those reading, be warned that some information that I have kept somewhat a secret lies onwards, the reasons for them being secret are explained but I feel I can’t be bothered keeping them secrets anymore, I’ve reached a state of ‘like I give a fuck’ when it comes to other people’s opinions about me - with exception to the people I genuinely adore (e.g. Steeffie, Lothy, Christina, Stephen, Seth….I’m sure I posted the wub list around here somewhere? You get the picture).

But yes. Moderation and liking. Never two words I have put together, for myself. I’ve done moderation from chat rooms to forums over the years and it’s interesting how things suddenly change.

I used to work on an MSN chat room as a Host (for those who aren’t familiar, it’s basically the chat room equivelent of a moderator) though I was a member before. I’d made quite a few good friends and I made only one enemy, though she was an enemy of anything with a pulse so it hardly bothered me. I’ve never backed rule breaking; if someone I like breaks the rules, I don’t back them up on it. You do the crime, you do the time otherwise you sit down and keep your trap shut. It annoys me greatly the number of people who think they can get away with anything and scream blue murder when they are punished for it. How they aren’t criminals is beyond me.

Anyway, I became a host and things seemed fine until I had to start kicking people I liked. It bothered me at first (note: this was back in the days I had a conscience) but soon enough it didn’t. I respected the rules and I respected the CoC I was bound by. Of course, it doesn’t make for good socialising when you kick your friends. Soon enough some started to dislike me and eventually became hateful towards me but I blocked it out. I eventually developed my own way of hosting: you can’t please everyone, so please no one but the boss. Basically, if people broke the rules then they were kicked out, I didn’t think twice like I used to. Hesitation was no longer in my dictionary. This was the dawning of the Jay most people now know.

And so the room closed and I moved on, MSN was no longer a place I liked to linger so I went off to start my own website when I stumbled onto IF. You all know the story, you were there from my registration to promotion. Anyway, it does take some getting used to. I’ve moderated a few forums but obviously IFS being official and all, I got nervous and bugged the others about what now seems the smallest of things. Live and learn.

Hard truth is I’m despised (and most probably hated) by many people. It’s hard to suspend someone without them turning into an idiot who blames everyone but themselves for what happened. ermm.gif Maybe if people took responsability for their actions once in a while perhaps I’d show some compassion. I’m strict but fair, play nicely and I don’t bite, I’m sure the few people who still ‘like’ me will realise that. I’m just so damned tired of people ignoring the rules. Sure, IFS is a big forum but ffs it’s not so big that you can’t find the damned rules that happen to be at the very top of the board, plastered in Pinned topics and shoved above every post in the forum rules. It’s always been like that, even when I registered, although yes there were fewer topics/rules but still IFS was big then and had a lot of the stuff we do now. I don’t get it, if I, an idiot in just about every sense, can understand the rules (although I know I broke them once due to my lack of understanding what Warez meant ) then why can’t others?

To my mind there is no excuse, sure I show leniancy with new folk since I was never banned or punished for being new but when we point the rules out and still they continue to break them, nuh uh. I consider that a slap in the face and I don’t take them kindly. What really annoys is me is when people start to moan. How many times need I point out the rules and possible punishments before people will accept it?

Something that interests me is the root of all this. I’ve been asked a few times over these months why I’m so strict/mean and usually my reply is simply ‘I’ve always been a mean bastard’. I’ve had the odd ‘No you weren’t, you were cool as a member’ responses but I think they’re deluded. I truly am no different, perhaps the fact I have authority and the ability to enforce it makes me appear that way but in truth I have been the same person throughout my time here. Sure, I’m grumpier now because I’m tired but that aside, Jay has not truly changed. I never did bother to explain my reasons, why? Because they were a secret. A secret I felt some member who I didn’t know wasn’t worthy of knowing (no offense). There’s only one person on IFS (and indeed the whole of the IF network, save Stephen from WTS who has known me for years) that knows it but now I see no reason to hide it.

Be warned: Read on if you wish but judge not lest ye be judged.

So what is the centre of my anger? My hatred? My callousness? Well, however you wish to descrive me, it was formed only a few years ago. I was in what would be the first of my doomed relationships. It was typical at first; happy, in love, butterflies, the works. Sadly I had misjudged my romeo and the relationship became slightly violent on his part (call me a fool but despite it all, I didn’t have the heart to raise my fists - even in self defence - to a man I loved so much). Whether it was fear or a hope for change that made me stay, I’m still not sure, but I endured his beatings. As I should have expected he gradually grew more violent and one day the love was finally gone; he was now just a bully to me. It was then that I made the mistake of standing up for myself. To cut a long and boring tale short, I ended it and yet I began what would be my downfall.

I returned home on foot as usual though thanks to the arguement we had my adrenaline was rushing and my senses were more than alive. The smallest of noises terrified me. Nothing quite like adrenaline to make you paranoid but it seems I wasn’t paranoid. I cut through the park as per usual and if things couldn’t possibly get any worse the damned park was dark. I’ll spare details but basically he jumped me and raped me. The typical followed; councillors, depression, yada yada.

And so there you have it. The reason I’m a general arse. Everything people think about me is true, and then some. And I wish to make it quite clear it is simply a reason, not an excuse. I don’t believe in excuses. I can take responsability for what I do and still know what causes it. This isn’t a plead for people to be nice and understand me, just me setting the record straight. Perhaps I’m far worse lately but that’s because I have now exited yet another doomed relationship. Richard and I are no more. I ended it, I never thought just how much things would effect me but it seems even with the perfect guy, I can’t be who I want to be.

That’s all really. You now all know why I am who I am. It made me hateful towards humans, particularly men. But from the darkness came my strength. I became resistant towards just about anything. Opinions meant nothing to me. Friendship was a lie. Love was an illusion. As you may have guessed, this shield eventually weakened (refer to the MSN part above) and I started to live once more (and so my time at IF begins) but now? The shield is back. To stay.

You know it makes sense.

Note the ‘Random’ category.

I’ve noticed this sort of attitude being adopted more and more recently on IF and I have to say I’m getting pretty sick and tired of it.

People rebelling, thinking if they do the opposite of your word they’re somehow defying a higher being and causing chaos. Well, I hate to break it to the idiots ‘badasses’ but you’re neither clever, funny, witty, smart or even remotely ‘badass’. All you are is a pain in the arse that can be swept away with the click of a button. This button to be precise.

It seems that people think that because of our position we’re actually more vulnerable to attacks than we used to be (as members - those of us who were members beforehand at least). Now this may be the case for some (Is it? Not sure, perhaps, wouldn’t know though I’d doubt it personally) but certainly not for me. Sure, if someone decides to act like an ass it’s not worth a suspension or something but the fact is this: piss me off or attack me and you’ll see the nastier side of me.

Yes, there is an even nastier side to me than most see. Rawr.

I should probably explain this all really. Where shall I begin…hmmm let’s see.

Firstly, I have encountered ‘morons’ (for want of a better, non-profane word) over the months who seem to think that they can get away with their idiosy without consequence. Boy, have they learned. I’m not sure what quite attracts people to ‘rebelling’ but for any who consider it: it’s not glorious, it’s not fun, it’s not even slightly amusing. And I mean for the rebel. It’s glorious for me when I click that button, take a sigh of relief and smile as yet another thorn is removed from the board. It’s fun for me to receive a response to the usual e-mail I send, protesting the suspension. It’s amusing for me to reply to it and explain that life’s a bitch and then you cross me.

Now I’m not a badass or hardman myself, never claimed to be and never will but I’m not a walk over either - as so many assumed from my former openness. Those who thought I was have now learned their lesson or are currently learning it. Heh, and people say it’s no fun being a teacher.

Mmm, yes, secondly I have noticed that there are those who are dealt a warning that think they can somehow shrug it off and continue in their war path. What’s that all about? If you get warned not to backseat moderate, don’t backseat moderate! Could it be any simpler? Why do people think they are exempt from the rules? What worries me is when they then attack because they have been suspended or whatever for repeating it. Typical e-mail convo with me and anyone I suspend:

Jay: I’m sorry, were you not already warned about your actions?
User: Yes.
Jay: And were you not also warned that if you repeated your actions you would receive a short suspension?
User: Yes.
Jay: And did you not repeat your actions?
User: Yes.
Jay: And did I not do as I said I would?
User: Yes.
Jay: So, what are you complaining about?
User: It’s not fair.
Jay: *sighs and adds e-mail to block list*

But then I should know by now that most of the people who are suspended are suspended because they’re idiots.

Thirdly and finally, graphics request. I wonder how many of you expected that? It has pretty much become my campaign; cleaning up GR and restoring order. Witht he aid of my trust companian Christina () I think we’ve done pretty damned well considering. Spam has been reduced, there is less rule breaking and generally people are paying more attention to the rules. However, we still face spam and foolish posting, and arguements from time to time but still, I think it’s improved somewhat from the way it used to be (and I hear it was even worse long before I was even a member o_O).

I’d say the biggest problem faced is the ego. Or at least, it is for me. Not my ego but the ego of either graphic requesters or graphic request designers. Usually it’s the former that’s the worst. I’m not sure why but some people take great offence when the rules are pointed out to them, is it truly an insult to be asked to fill in the guidelines that help to have your request done and remove the hinderence you put on yourself straight away by having posted without using them? Is it so hard to understand the red bold text that states no bumping within 24 hours? I mean, the 24 hour rule is carried throughout the entire forum, how on earth can anyone miss it? If only there was an option in the usergroup settings that had something along the lines of ‘Allow user to double post in a topic within [insert box where you put in the number] hours?’, no would be the obvious answer for members. As would 24 for the box. I’ve tried to be leniant by not doing what the rules say and closing the topic immediately, I’ve always figured you should let it slip once but I’m not so sure anymore. Seems we have two common types of people there: people who learn after having the rules enforced upon them and people who don’t. Apparantly people who learn when given a small, friendly warning bypass the forum.

And then there are the designers. Some (not all) sometimes take it upon themselves to have outbursts and point out the rules in a rude and uncalled for manner…and then say ‘fuck you, I’m not doing your design’ anyway. What the hell is with that? I’ve always enforced that people shouldn’t post unless they are going to do the graphics. This seems like not only backseat moderating but a complete violation against the rule of ‘if you’re not going to fill in the request DON’T POST’ which I think always technically existed but only recently was it made aware in the rules. Hmmm…perhaps it’s time such posts were punished, especially by repeat offenders. Another thing that bugs me is the way some new comers already have a swollen ego. I hate to break it to you buddy but the fact that you’re the graphics manager for the biggest IF graphics forum means zip on this forum {note: that is not aimed at any individual, anyone on the GR forum who just happens to be the Graphics Manager for the biggest IF graphics forum is pure coinkydink} and it’s time people learned that. I think the problem is that some people are used to being praised to the extent that if anyone dares to rub them up the wrong way, they’d have an entire forum turned on them. Sorry but fanclubs don’t exist on IFS (with exception to Seth’s and Lothy’s) and nor does your ability grant you the right to act like an arse. Some people just give the impression that their post is basically a complex way of saying ‘look - I can put filters and graphics and other neat stuff together so I’m a god’.

Oh and something else that’s bugging me lately is the lack of knowledge shown with regards to copyright. What the hell? I’m sorry but nobody (designers and requesters) should be posting if they don’t understand what copyright is or how it is applied. If you don’t understand it, you can’t comment on it nor would you be aware when you are violating it - which some ignorant folk tend to do, usually the ones who jump into a topic and don’t bother about rules or checking where the images come from. It really annoys me that someone actually once said ‘I don’t care if it’s copyrighted, I’m not deleting my picture’. I don’t know why but I didn’t bother to punish that person. Really, in my mind, they should have been suspended for a few years…or banned. 1) They violated copyright laws, 2) they violated the TOS, 3) they broke the IFS rules and 4) they did all of this knowingly. What more ground would one need to stand on? Yet I didn’t…why Jay, why? Dumbass. I’m currently putting together a Copyright FAQ in the hopes of rectifying this problem…and hopefully getting people to spell it right. What’s with copywright? Is it the American spelling? I know something is copywritten but since when has copywright been a word? According to the dictionary it’s not.

Meh, none of this applies to everyone by the by, before people start thinking this is an insult to them. It’s a select few really, with exception to the graphic requesters in which case it seems to apply to most of the people who join simply for graphics.

Hmmmm anyway, methinks this has been a long enough rant. Wow, longer than normal that’s for sure! On a side note: I’m not bored anymore.

I’m so totally bored right now. It’s four in the morning and I have nothing to do. In fact, I’m so bored that I analysed closely two emoticons and have drawn up my conclusion:

is hawt, sucks big time.

See. I’m. So. Bored

Out of curiosity, can anyone raise one eyebrow? I seem to be the only person out of the people I know.

I was bored and figured I might as well have one: http://jayhudson.blogsome.com/disclaimer/

Is anyone else experience gmail not only being down but not existing? o_O

This is what I get everytime I try to access http://www.gmail.com :

What the hell is going on with Gmail? This sucks big time, my IF account is on Gmail. I may have to consider changing to a private e-mail host or something, Gmail has been weird lately and if I can’t see e-mails relating to IF then I may end up missing certain things from suspended peeps not to mention it stores e-mails sent to the IF e-mail, of which I tend to receive quite a few.

Blegh, this just isn’t my day…

Heh, I recently received a rather interesting e-mail from someone at IF. Now whether it was from support I don’t know but since it had no other address from the forums I work on I can only assume it was. But that is of little relevance anyway. The e-mail itself was insulting yet I couldn’t help but chuckle at the sender’s stupidity.

As most will know I’m gay and I’m pretty open about it. Now it seems this e-mail, regarding the bannishment of gay marriage in America (trying to drum up my humble support), wasn’t sent with any thought or due care. Had it been, I probably wouldn’t have received it anyway what with me being gay and all. Unless of course this guy really is a huge dumbass. Whatsmore, I’m not American so it’s apparant he really must have just decided to spam up my e-mail for his sad little campaign. I’ll let you read it.

From: John H. Sumter john@gaymarriageiswrong.com
To: blibbleyblob
Date: Jun 1, 2005 2:14 AM
Subject: Take a stand!

Dear voter,

Hello, my name is John Sumter. I help run a website called “GayMarriageIsWrong”, or GMIW. We are an organization dedicated to bringing about the banning of gay marriage. We, in our society, believe that gay marriage is morally wrong. Just because some guy cannot get a girl, is no reason to turn gay.

We all support George W. Bush in the gay marriage issue. Please help our fine organization ban gay marriages.

But we are yet to stop there! After working long hours into banning gay marriages, we will attempt to bring about a law banning all gays! Do you want to live in a society with a bunch of fags and gay people? No! Who really does?

Please stay tuned to your local newspaper, as our story might get a story, and touch the heart of local civilians.

Thanks again and have a wonderful day!

Yours truly,
John

I was hesitant to respond at first but I thought ‘what the heck, I’ll vent my not built up frustration and anger’.

Dear jackass,

I have had a very wonderful day until I read your e-mail. Do the world a favour and die already, we don’t need more scum like you hanging around, making everyone miserable because your life is deprived of any meaning and sex. And take your stupid, arrogant, pathetic, ass kissing, country invading, humanity destroying leader with you. Sheesh, how many dumbasses are there in America that support the path of idiocy? How does it go for you?

Dillusion > Potato Chips > Beer > Rational > Sanity > Life?

And you have more than proven how big a dumbass you truly are: you contacted a gay man! Duh, do you just take any e-mail and then spam it up, hoping to scrape up some support because your fat ass is incapable of taking you out the living room door into the world which you fear has changed so much since you last went for a piss?

Here’s a tip from a queer to a quack: research who you send your e-mails to, that way you don’t look like a stupid little fucked up school kid with bad achne who can’t catch himself a cold let alone a date.

And thank you for giving me this e-mail, I’ll be sure to redirect my spam to you in the future.

—
Jay Hudson (aka OcelotJay),
InvisionFree Community Moderator and Nuisance Extraordinare

Ah, that feels good. ^_^

In the eternal words of Rory: “John H. Sumter; you sir, are an idiot.”